finding the moment as it is

diary

barva / colour

detajl fotografije / photo detailkdaj izstopi barva in kdaj se izgubi? slepo navajena na modrino neba lahko spregledam mehkobo sivega dneva, ko se nekaj v meni vda pod pritiskom včerajšnje odločitve.

rada bi slikala barvo kot seurat in rhotko obenem

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when the colour emerges from the gray and when transmutes into it? blind striving for the blue sky can make me oblivious of the gray day softness, when something inside gives in after the hardness of yesterday’s choice.

i’d like to paint the colour like seurat and rhotko respectively


s strahom / with fear

trenutno je vse prežeto s strahom – moje delovanje namreč. ne vem, kako nazaj, kako nazaj v planinski raj. ali bolje kako naprej. spet hodim na svetovanja  / boli, bolim. ljubim … ljubim … ali ljubim? ali znam ljubiti? se da to naučiti? poljubim praznino.

all is emerged in fear right now – by all i mean my conduct in life. don’t know how to return to happiness or better, how to flow into it. i’m in a therapy again and it really hurts – i really hurt. i love … love … do i? do i know how to love? can i learn? i kiss the void.


ponedeljektorek / mondaytuesday

ime starega osnutka je čisto aktualno: po včerajšnjem prazniku sta se ponedeljek in torek zlila v en dan.

in jutri-danes je dodal se tretjega k prejsnjima … prilagam tihožitje s torkovim štrudlom, namenjenim anni in robu, pojedli smo ga pa mi 3je.

oskar nabija 007 igr’co, beba je zaspala, jaz pa cakam, da se odpravimo v rd. cas res ni moj gospodar, se huje: ne gospodarim s casom.

in še en dan se je pridružil temu blogu – četrtek je.

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the name of an old draft is appropriate: yesterday’s holy-day and today are melting into one.

and i’m ading tommorow-today to the mass with some still life with tuesday’s strudel, made for anna and rob. but they didn’t have it, oskar jona and me ate it.

oskar is killing time with double-0-7 game while baby sleeps and i’m waiting for us to go to rd. time is not my master and what’s even worse, i don’t master time.

and another day melted in … it’s thursday

 


med tem, ko … / while i’m …

… ne spim. pravzaprav so se mi zazdele hišice z osvetljenimi okni prav imenitne … na fotki pa ostaja le svetloba in izrisuje čisto drugo zgodbo, a vendar … v posteljo grem

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… not asleep. i wanted to show you cute windows that lite up the houses in front of my door, but all that is left is light. although it’s telling a different story, it is still somehow appropriate. off to bed


kaj je narobe s sanjami? / what’s wrong with dreams?

pravzaprav nič. tako kot ni nič narobe z lepoto in kičem, mirom in zadovoljstvom, navdušenjem. in zakaj se jih potem ustrašim?

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nothing, really. like nothing’s wrong with beauty and kitsch, with peace and contentment. than why am i afraid of them?


modrozeleni ponedeljek / bluegreen monday

na morju smo, razkošje. pobegnili smo poplavam v sloveniji in prišli v modrino in veter. družinska atmosfera, druga kavica, otrok po prvem dremežu. lenobno, prijetno. včeraj smo nabrali žajbelj in zdaj vse diši po zeli in čaju. bogastvo morja me vedno omami …
”’
we’re at the seaside, what a treat. we’d fled the flood in slovenia and came into windy blue. family atmosphere, second coffee and child after first nap. peaceful & nice. nice mice. yesterday we gathered sage and now the smell of herb and sage tea is all-around. the abundance of the sea makes me dizzy


večerni mir / still of the night

delovna faza
tehnika: posvečeno dk; cikel radost

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work in progress
technique: homage to dk; joy folio


odprava I. del: knjige / departure part 1: books

odpravljanje v knjižnico, tako ljubo opravilo. že od morja skušam dokončati Realno in njegov dvojnik od Clémenta Rosseta, a bo počakala na boljše čase. trenutno se realno odvija brez podvojitve in se kliče jona. za na morje bi sedlo nekaj kot Knjiga soli, ki me je začarala – ima kdo kak predlog? Mojca, ti veš, Satoko, ti tudi.

book browsing in library, like it. i’m trying to finish Le réél et son double : essai sur l’illusion by Clément Rosset and can’t so it’ll have to wait for better times. The real manifests itself in unison right now and it’s called jona. i would really enjoy good read, something like The Book of Salt that cast spell on me last summer. Suggestions, anyone? MojcaSatoko, you would know.


spet nedelja … / sunday … again …

zunaj je sončno / it's sunny outside

(oz. o zamujenem)
… spet in spet in spet. kako hitro se izmenjujejo dnevi – če zamudim enega, jih še nekaj pobegne mimo mene. bliža se konvencija ‘blind date‘ in sejem knjig umentnika v galeriji jakopič, meni ljuba tema. ga bom zamudila, ker ne bom v ljubljani.

kuha se kava, z jono sva prinesla sveže mleko in rogljiče, dan se pričenja okrog pol 11h. medtem ko se oka in jona valjata po postelji, tu tipkam in oprezam, kdaj me bosta potrebovala. kava je že …

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(on things missed)

… again and again and again. how fast spins this circle of life – if you miss one day to enjoy it, a few pass on unnoticed. the blind date festival and art book fair are approaching but i’ll miss it ’cause i won’t be in ljubljana.

coffee is on the stove, we brought fresh milk&croissants, jona&me, day starts at half past 10. while oka and jona wallow in the bed under my watchful eye, my other eye is on the screen. coffee is ready …


iz radovljice / from radovljica

tukaj smo v oskarjevem samskem gnezdu, brez mojega mekija. kraljujejo tv – bbc news, star štedilnik na drva in stari starši. babi anica nas je včeraj uničila z božanskim kosilom, močno večerjo in carskim jabolčnim štrudlom pred spancem … moje življenje se trenutno vrti okrog hrane; tolažim se, da mogoče zaradi dojenja in dojenčka jone

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here we are in oskar’s bachelor’s den without my precious mac. tv, old wood cook stove and grandparents are leading the show. granny anica fed us till burst yesterday with great lunch and dinner and heavenly apple strudel before bed time … my life revolves around food lately. maybe ’cause i’m breastfeeding baby jona


nedelja

vse je vijolično danes / everything is purple today

vse je vijolično danes / everything is purple today

obiski se obetajo, iščem recept za borovničevo pito in popravljam blog … neskladje, to tipkanje me spomni na prvotni namen bujenja računalnika iz hibernacije. jona mlati s kablom v mojem naročju in čaka na akcijo. odšla sva po mleko na mlekomat in dan se je pobral

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guests announced themselves so i’m searching for blueberry pie recipe and fixing blog … discrepancy … this typing reminds me why i disturbed the hibernating comp at all. jonah is flailing cable while siting in my lap – he’s waiting for some action. we are gone to buy some milk from mlekomat and the day picked itself up